Change

Change. What does it mean? What about it is so scary? Change. verb. to become different. Think about how much change happens. Small scales and large scales. Currently, it is now Autumn. As the weather becomes cooler, the leaves will change color, and eventually fall off the branches. The grass will die and the ground will soon be covered with a white blanket of snow. All a sign of another year passing. Which is usually a time in which we tend to look back on the lapsed time and think about how much we’ve changed. We look back at how we look differently; how much we’ve accomplished; who/what is important to us; etc. Things are always changing. We are always growing older and we should always be moving forward. It’s my senior year of undergraduate classes. WOW. I’m 21 years old, pre-student teaching this semester. I’ll be student teaching next semester. I just applied for my first ‘big girl’ job as a youth minister at a local parish. My best friends just moved into their very first apartment. Two of them are in the grad school and one has a ‘big boy’ job with ‘big boy’ responsibilities like buying insurance, going to bed at a reasonable time, you know... that ‘adult stuff’ that we so purposefully run away from as long as we can. I’m trying extremely hard to embrace this time of my life. It can be difficult. To acknowledge how far we have come is one thing, but to think about the amount of work we have left can be overwhelming. As I’m growing older and gaining more responsibilities, I find myself in a whirlwind of thoughts with way too many directions to go: sensory overloud. I hear voices telling me one thing, and more telling me something else. Hands pulling me in one direction, still others pull me a different way. And on top of what we hear from everyone else, we also have to deal with the ramblings of our own minds. Part of me wants to settle down, find a job, find a place to live and begin my life as a responsible adult. Another part of me, wants to sell everything and do mission work. Oh, the possibilities; the decisions we must make when things change. How do we choose? How do we find the strength to embrace these changes and become better through them? I want to do what I feel is best for me, but I’m not a witty adult who knows all; I am a young adolescent with hopes and dreams that she has no knowledge on how to achieve them. This is what I do know; the past year has taught me that change can be good. As Autumn shows us, change can be beautiful. We must deter our minds from the fear of something different. Different means exciting; new. I’m ready to embrace the change of growing up; of graduation; and of moving on to the next chapter of my life. Here goes nothing.