Aching.

My heart broke tonight. Literally broke. It aches. There are very few times that I have been able to look at someone through the eyes of Jesus and tonight was one of them. It's not easy. It doesn't feel good to see someone so broken and helpless; especially when you can only do so much.

Tonight I served food to the homeless for a couple of hours. It was 30 degrees out, but the wind was piercing. The people were shivering. Some didn't have gloves, a hat, or a scarf. Some didn't even have a decent coat. A little girl was shaking as she walked over to get some hot chocolate. Her eyes were full of sorrow, of pain, and filled with tears. As we gave her hot chocolate, she walked away back to her mom and dad. We noticed they didn't eat anything so we asked, "Sweetie, did you get anything to eat?". Her eyes lit up as she begged her mom to be able to get some food. Her mom turned to us and said, "Thanks, but it's too cold to eat." The girl's eyes went lifeless and my heart sank. My heart aches for her. We gave them sandwiches to take with them for tomorrow and some clothes and other personal hygiene needs. They, then walked into the cold, dark night. As I watched them walk, I just prayed for them; the young girl especially because that's all I could do. I wanted so badly to say, "wait!" To be able to offer them more than just a sandwhich for tomorrow and some clothes. So badly, I wanted to offer them a home; with heat; with food; with running water. But I couldn't. And that really hurts. We complain each and every day over things that we think are a big deal: my phone died; it's too cold; why did she look at me like that; why won't he like me; etc. I can only speak for myself when I say, I have no idea what it means to truly suffer.

The reality is that this world is full of thorns. Yes, there are plenty of roses in this life and I don't mean to be fixating on the bad of this world; but we are so ignorant. We often don't see or we don't want to see that struggle is everywhere. We make it this intangible thing that is in the distant, or something that we could never help. I want that to change. I want to be aware of what is going on around me and I want to be aware and grateful for all that I have. As much as each one of us deal with struggle and storms, we have so much. We come from an amazing Creator. He, himself lived his life out for others. He reached out to the poorest of the poor and loved them. For what? He didn't gain anything for Himself by reaching out to the broken. In fact, he was persecuted. His life was MISERABLE because of what He did. He was ridiculed, punished, beaten.. all because He did good. Because he became a voice for those without a voice. I want to know what that looks like. I want to be able to touch a life like that. To be able to be so selfless that I truly put God first. Because if I whole-heartedly can put God first; then others automatically become second.