Saturday, January 12, 2013

What is this Feeling?

Alright, so we all have these things.. these emotions inside of us. They often control our decisions more than anything else.... dumb; don't do that. But it's hard to not allow them to persuade us to do certain things, right? Most people have a harder time with that, than most things when it comes to making decisions.

Not me.. for me, I struggle with allowing myself to actual recognize my emotions. Sometimes, they just hit me in the face like a ton of bricks and I very quickly shove them into the bottom of my boots. Now, sometimes they come back up and I have to push them back down; but I know that one day I'm not going to be able to push them back down. The boot will overflow and I will have a huge mess of emotions that I will need to deal with and address one by one.

Some people critique me and tell me not to do it; I get that. I can understand and appreciate where they are coming from. But ultimately, at this point in time, in my life. The only thing that I am sure of is where I came from. I know that He has a plan for me. But I still can't bring myself to address my bootful of emotions. I'm not sure I'm ready to face that kind of vulnerability again right now.. maybe even ever. We all have things lingering around that we need to face and I get that.

You see, I am happy. I am joyful. I am living the dream each and every day. I am going through life enjoying the little things and leaving behind any bad thing. It happens. I see it. It's gone. It doesn't affect me. That's what works for me. Is that so bad?

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