I've been home for a week or so officially since the semester ended at school. It's strange being back home. Driving through the neighborhood I spent many years walking around, playing, laughing, being a child; spending time with people I used to know inside and out; reminiscing on old times and making new memories; remembering all of the history of this place. Being back in this area and seeing how it has changed and how it has stayed the same made me begin to think about the way I have changed and stayed the same since I first ventured off to college. I have changed a lot, and most parts of me are not the same.
A lot has happened and changed in my life since I left for school and I'm still figuring out who I am and who I want to be and the type of life I want to lead. Do we ever really find any of those answers 100%? Some people are homebodies and just always gravitate back home or never leave. There's nothing wrong with that; I'm just not one of those people. For me, I think that leaving for school was a big step to me moving on from all the history here. The state that I left in was a bit constricting; but it was a step. Being in a relationship when I left for school was not in the original plan for me; but that's what happened.
When you're in your late teens; that's when you begin to actually mold into who YOU want to be. You should be able to start making decisions on your own and start figuring out who you are as a young adult. When you are in a relationship, it can be really difficult to find your own identity. It can be difficult to mold into the demands of someone else when you haven't figured out who you are yet. Now that I've been my own individual, completely in charge of my life for the past couple of months; it's weird to be home. This place holds so much history with who I used to be and my motivation to live a certain way. Whispers always hanging in the air; people are always going to talk. People will always try to tell you who you are and what you are doing wrong. I'm excited to have a place away from 'home' where I can be exactly who I want to be and let loose and not worry so much about who I might see or what someone might say.
Yeah, I've changed.. I'm not the same person as I was. But the person I was isn't something or someone that I am ashamed of. Going through life is supposed to be about learning from mistakes and understanding how to move forward. I'm excited to keep moving forward and learnng and I'm proud of the person I am today, regardless of how I got here. I know I'm a stronger person than yesterday and a weaker person than I'll be tomorrow. I'm excited to see what the future holds for me and where home will be for me as I find a career and start a family of my own.